The Other Side of the Story
by sophiedoodle
Summary: When Voyager needs to trade with the Alkadiens, Janeway and Chakotay must beam down to the planet to undergo "character testing." And Kathryn finally gets to tell Chakotay her side of the angry warrior story.


Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager, characters, etc. belong to Paramount.

The Other Side of the Story

_She huddled alone on the dirt floor of the cave, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Part of her wished that her hair was still long so that it would curtain her face, block out her surroundings and complete the cocoon she was so desperately trying to pull herself into. It was all her fault, everything that had happened down on the planet had been her fault. If only she'd listened to him when he'd told her his concerns. If only she'd stopped thinking like a captain for two lousy seconds and started thinking like a human being. If only, if only…_

_If only he wasn't gone. _

_If only she wasn't alone. _

_She buried her face in her knees and finally gave voice to her broken heart._

**********

Kathryn Janeway hefted her legs up so her boots were resting on her desk, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes. And then the door chimed. She sighed and answered without moving.

"Come in."

Chakotay entered briskly, a PADD in his hand. He opened his mouth to address her then stopped abruptly when he noticed her unusual position of repose.

"Captain?" he queried, a slow grin melting across his face. She opened her eyes.

"Yes, Commander?" Her tone was formal, but her eyes flickered with amusement.

"I've just never seen you quite so…_relaxed…_at your desk before." Chakotay cleared his throat and vainly attempted to hide his delight.

"It's been a _very_ long day, Chakotay," she sighed. "And it's only eleven hundred hours." She closed her eyes again.

"You're lucky it was me who walked in here and not, say, Tuvok," her first officer remarked. "I'm sure that putting your feet up on a Starfleet desk must be at least a court martial offense."

"It's _my _desk," she snapped playfully.

"Oh, no, Captain," he said, a smile quirking at the corners of his mouth. "Starfleet regulations state that all furniture—" Chakotay sidestepped and expertly caught the PADD that Kathryn had flung across the room at him. He glanced at the material on the front screen and his smile faded.

"The report on the Alkadiens," he said. The joy in his eyes was overshadowed by concern. "Have you finished reading everything they sent over?"

Kathryn grimaced. "Yes, all five thousand pages of it. I guess I shouldn't complain. It's not often an alien species in the Delta Quadrant cares to spell out their cultural and societal norms _prior_ to us offending them." Chakotay raised his eyebrows, nodding.

Kathryn studied him for a minute. "What is it, Chakotay?" she said with concern. "You seem troubled. Is it the report?" Chakotay sighed and walked over to sit in the chair across from her at the desk. He leaned his elbows on the tabletop and rested his chin on his fists.

"Yes," he said flatly. "I've read and reread the information the Alkadiens sent us, trying to make logical sense of it. But I end up with the same unsettled feeling every time. Despite the abundance of information they have provided us, I still feel like they are concealing some crucial points." Kathryn nodded seriously.

"What are your impressions?" she asked. She trusted Chakotay's instincts; he had been right more times than he had been wrong, even when his hunches seemed to fly in the face of logic.

Chakotay sighed again, shaking his head almost in irritation. "That's just it, Captain," he said in frustration. "There's nothing I can put my finger on. I just…"

"Go on," she urged. Kathryn could see he was impatient with his inability to express his trepidations, but she needed to know if his instincts had traveled in the same direction as hers.

"Well, the prerequisites of the trade agreements for example. They were very vague concerning…"

"The character assessments," she finished, and he nodded, looking very much relieved that they were on the same page. "I noticed that, too. In some areas, they gave almost too much detail, but then when it came to that point, they almost skimmed over the requirements."

"Exactly."

"What about them needing—"

"Our mission logs?" Chakotay said, and Kathryn nodded. Then they both began laughing.

"For how long have we been finishing each other's sentences?" Kathryn asked, leaning across the desktop and squeezing his arm.

"Hmmm, probably since New—" Chakotay stopped abruptly, and tension dropped upon the room like a sudden downpour. He looked at her in chagrin, his eyes pleading for understanding. It wasn't often that one of them slipped and mentioned their exile on New Earth. Somehow, avoiding the subject had become a tacit agreement between them once they had returned to Voyager.

Kathryn took a deep breath. "Anyway," she continued, trying to regain the camaraderie that had been between them, "I'm relieved that we share the same gut instinct when it comes to the Alkadiens. They seem open enough, and perhaps it is a mistaken impression on both of our parts. But, somehow, I don't think so. We will proceed with caution, but we must proceed. If we don't get these supplies…" It was unnecessary for her to finish the sentence; they both knew what would happen if Voyager wasn't able to restock on this planet.

"Agreed," Chakotay said, standing. He turned to leave then faced her again.

"Is there something else?" Kathryn's eyes, and her mind, were already back on the PADD in front of her, her few moments of relaxation forgotten.

Chakotay hesitated for a moment, then spoke. "Yes," he murmured. "Kathryn…"

She looked up and watched his face, her eyes softening.

"What is it, Chakotay?"

"I have one more concern with the Alkadiens. Their protocol of requiring both of us to beam down to the surface for the negotiations."

"You'd feel more comfortable if one of us stayed on board the ship," she said with a teasing smile.

Chakotay glared at her. "I'd feel more _comfortable_," he rejoined, "if _you_ stayed on board the ship."

"I know," she said simply. "But according to the Alkadiens, they need both of us to 'corroborate' the stories of our experiences in the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay, I'm not altogether comfortable with this situation either. But I don't have any alternatives at the moment. If you have suggestions…"

"No, I don't," he almost growled. "And that's the most frustrating thing of all." He turned on his heel and stalked out of her ready room, leaving her with a wondering half-smile on her face and more than a touch of apprehension in her heart. Chakotay wasn't acting like himself—he seemed extremely unsettled—and that fact alone made her more uneasy than all the protocols from all the alien worlds in the galaxy.

**********

_"Chakotay!" _

_The name spilled from her mouth before she could contain it, catapulting her out of a state of half-dreaming, half-wakefulness. She bolted upright, feeling the compacted hardness of the floor beneath her and the penetrating cold of the stone against her back. She had fallen asleep sitting up, gradually leaning into the wall behind her as she slept. Everything ached, especially her throat, and she rubbed her hands over her face, trying to scrub away the anguish that had poured down her cheeks for what had seemed like hours. She hadn't cried like that since her father and Justin…_

_"Stop it!" she said aloud, attempting to use her command voice on herself. She stood up, breathing shallowly, and taking reconnaissance of her surroundings. The cave at this point had narrowed, and she shivered involuntarily when she realized her "bed" had been on a shelf of no more than two meters wide, ending at its farthest point in an extension of the cliff she and Chakotay had encountered earlier. The cliff..._

_Almost despite her efforts, the images came unbidden with an almost unnatural swiftness that descended into eerie slow-motion as her mind replayed those final moments._

"Watch your step in those boots, Kathryn," Chakotay had said teasingly. "In those heels you could cause a rockslide." She glared at him sideways.

"This _is_ my dress uniform, Commander," she retorted. But she moved closer to him and to the rock wall. He smiled at her mischievously—breathtakingly, she thought—but didn't comment, other than to unobtrusively change places with her so he was on the outside edge and to gently place his hand on the small of her back when they were walking. She relaxed easily into the rhythm of their gait.

"Do you think we're anywhere near the inner sanctuary yet?" she asked lightly. In answer, Chakotay pulled out his tricorder and began scanning the area around them. He squinted at the information relayed by the device and shook his head. "The tricorder can't make heads or tails of this place. Same as our commbadges. They warned us that there would be electromagnetic interference down here."

"I don't like this," she said sharply.

"Me neither," he admitted, sighing.

The tension returned to both of their faces, and they simply looked at each other for a moment, searching. Their gazes locked, and for a few seconds, the cave around them disappeared and all they saw was each other. She felt her breath quicken, heard him catch his.

And then the edge of the cliff had collapsed, and he was gone.

_She pressed her hands to her mouth, desperately trying to stifle the cries that tore from her throat as she remembered. She remembered trying to grasp his hands as he disappeared into the raging tumble of rocks, trying to hold on to any part of him she could reach, hitting her commbadge futilely to contact Voyager or the Alkadien minister or anybody. She remembered laying on what was left of the ragged edge of the cliff, screaming his name in hopes that he would answer back, until she was too hoarse to make a sound. She remembered stumbling blindly forward for hours, knowing the entrance to the cave would be sealed_, _hoping that somehow he had survived the fall and was somewhere else in the ravine that lay along the bottom. She remembered peering uselessly into the dark chasm as she walked, yearning for a flash of red, a glint of light on raven black hair, a noise, something, _anything._ But there was nothing, and eventually she had no more strength to walk or to look, and so she sat down. _

_She remembered every moment. She remembered it too well. And now all she wanted to do was forget._

**********

"You're late, Commander," Kathryn said as he entered the transporter room at a half-run. He smiled at her apologetically but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He headed past her to the transporter pad, but she reached out and caught his arm. He turned back questioningly.

"Are you all right, Chakotay?" she murmured quietly, low enough that the transporter operator wouldn't overhear their conversation.

He nodded his head, but his eyes flickered away from hers almost nervously. "I was just completing my vision quest," he said quickly. He glanced at the transporter pad. "Shouldn't we be going?"

She gave him a doubtful look but followed his lead. They stood at their places.

"Chakotay," she spoke his name again and with a touch of apprehension. "Did something happen on your vision quest?"

He stared at her, clearly startled and opened his mouth to reply but the shimmer of the transporter beam quickly caught them up and delivered them to the Alkadien delegation waiting below on the planet.

The Alkadiens were a remarkably human-like race, with piercing onyx eyes and foreheads that receded slightly and sloped gently into the arch of their noses. They dressed simply in flowing robes of various rich colors indicating their positions in the planet's society. First Minister Daret S'el detached himself from the waiting group and stepped forward to greet them, his deep crimson robes billowing out as he moved.

"Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay, welcome to Alkadia. It is indeed a pleasure to have visitors such as yourselves on our planet." Daret S'el bowed slightly, and Kathryn and Chakotay returned the gesture, dipping to the same indicated.

"Thank you, First Minister," Kathryn said warmly. "We accept your welcome and take pleasure in visiting your beautiful planet. We hope to meet the standards your people have set forth for trade and to forge a friendship with your race." More formalities, the parallel greeting and statement of intentions. Kathryn quickly ran through the information she had studied and decided that all of the necessary protocols had been followed. She gave an inner sigh of relief and offered a genuine smile to Daret S'el, feeling Chakotay relax next to her.

"Captain, Commander, it would seem that our people already share a commonality of culture. The wearing of red to symbolize positions of command. All of our sub-ministers and council members follow this protocol," he said, returning her smile. "And now, let us dispense with the formalities. Please, follow me. Our kitchens have prepared a delightful assortment of refreshments for you to enjoy. And I admit I am fascinated by what little you have told us about Voyager and your journey home." They followed him into a lavish dining hall. The walls were draped with bold fabrics representing the various robe colors of the planet's inhabitants, deep reds as the minister's, brilliant purples, emerald greens, midnight blues. The effect was at once almost cacophonous yet oddly simple at the same time. There were no distracting patterns, no stripes or plaids, just intense hues that drew the eye in to examine their hidden depths and nuances. Even the tables were covered in simple fabric, metallic sheens of gold, silver, and copper.

As they were seated, Kathryn felt her unease rapidly vanishing and saw that Chakotay also seemed more comfortable.

"Now, Captain, Commander," the First Minister said, once they had been served and had begun eating the delicious repast. "Please, tell me all about your Voyager."

**********

_She should have taken the time to listen to him. She should have stepped off of the transporter pad and forced him—ordered him, even—to tell her what was bothering him. To tell her what had happened during his vision quest. It was only later, as they were tracing their way through the vast tunnels of the cave towards the sanctuary, that he finally admitted what had happened. _

"Kathryn," Chakotay had said hesitantly. They were seated on the ground, taking a short rest as the area they had just passed through had been particularly rocky and more than slightly uphill. As a result, they were both sweating heavily and breathing with exertion, despite the everpresent chill in the cavern's air.

"Mmmmhmmm." She was still trying to catch her breath.

"About my vision quest," he hedged. She turned her eyes abruptly to his.

"It's a little late for that now, isn't it?" she asked sardonically. But she was smiling anyway, and he ducked his head in embarrassment.

'I know I should have told you before," he admitted. "But I knew that we had to come on this mission, that we had to get these supplies. And my vision quest wasn't a warning, exactly, more like a caution, a prediction. I don't know how to describe it exactly." Once again, he was struggling with words, and it made her uneasy. Usually at least, he could come up with some kind of legend, tale, or proverb—something—to explain himself and his feelings.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked gently. She reached out and took his hand, something she seldom did, and he covered it with his own, stroking her fingers lightly. He looked at their hands then up at her and smiled slightly, almost wistfully.

He took a deep breath. "My spirit guide told me that in undertaking this mission, all of our desires would be granted us." He flinched before speaking the next line. "But that it would come at a price we might not want to pay." He shrugged helplessly. "I have been over and over those words since we've been down here, but I'm no closer to figuring them out than when I was on Voyager. But I still feel like they are hiding something from us. On the surface, they seem genial, almost gentle and childlike. But there's something more, something below that, that I just don't trust."

"Well, they didn't tell us about this _journey_ to the inner sanctuary before. They didn't tell us they were going to drop us off at a cave and seal the opening when we went in," Kathryn said, rolling her eyes. "They didn't mention they would interrogate us for hours, together and separately, about all of our experiences in the Delta Quadrant. That we would have to bring down our crewmembers to vouch for what we were saying. Do we look that untrustworthy?"

"Well, as a tribe, my people have always been able to convey our peaceful intentions to others, even animals. However, in your case—" This time she heaved a small rock from the floor at him. Unfortunately, it was at close range, and he didn't have time to duck. The pebble bounced harmlessly off his tattooed forehead and pinged onto the rock wall behind him.

"Oops," Kathryn said sheepishly, "I was aiming for your shoulder."

_Kathryn closed her eyes tightly against the memory, seeing his dimpled smile in her mind, feeling his arms around her as he had uncharacteristically pulled her into a quick hug, both of them blushing a little when he let go._

**********

_Kathryn felt like she had been walking for days. Maybe she had. The faster she walked, the faster the memories ran to keep up behind her, constantly threatening to overpower her with their sorrow and intensity. The tears came almost relentlessly; she barely even registered their appearance anymore, just wiped her face with hands that she knew were filthy, not even caring what she looked like, wondering if she would ever see the sunlight again. And wondering if perhaps remaining down here forever, eventually dying down here, would be better than returning to Voyager without the one man in her life that she had truly loved with everything that was in her. _

_She didn't understand a word of the vision quest. None of her desires had been granted. She was lost in an endless cave of twisting tunnels. Voyager still didn't have the needed supplies and food._

_And Chakotay was…_

_She still couldn't even think the word. Tears blinding her eyes, she missed the small rock in front of her and landed face first in the unrelenting dirt floor. _

_"Why.." she whimpered. "Why." Without thinking, she slammed her fist into the wall behind where she lay, hitting it over and over again, until blood dripped from her knuckles, and the pain in her hand threatened to overshadow the pain in her heart. _

_And then she heard it. A distinct rumbling sound coming from not too far behind her. She could see the walls shaking, loose rocks beginning to slip down around her, smoke billowing from about ten meters behind her. A cave-in. _

_She ran, ran with all her strength, surprised on some level that she had the energy, the _will_ to run at all. Huge boulders crashed to the ground behind her, and it was some time before the collisions and upheavals stopped, and she entered a side tunnel that appeared relatively quiet._

_Kathryn rested against an enormous flat rock near the tunnel entrance, trying to catch her breath and slow the frantic beating of her heart. She sat with her elbows resting on her knees, head cradled in her bloodied hands as her gasps gradually slowed to more controlled inhales. Behind her she could still hear echoes of the landslide in the cavern, and dust and bits of dirt were rushing out of the opening._

_And then suddenly, unbelievably, she also heard footsteps. Her head snapped up, and she stared ahead, straining to peer through the settling dust. _

_She heard his voice before she could even see him clearly._

_"Kathryn!" Chakotay's voice was thick with emotion. He was walking rapidly towards her, his fists clenched convulsively at his sides._

_Kathryn sprang to her feet and then seemed unable to move any further. She just stared at him._

_"Oh, Chakotay," she murmured huskily and then she was running, running towards him, stopping only when she slammed face first into his chest and his arms were wrapped around her more tightly than she had ever been held. For a moment all that existed were arms and bodies and hearts pounding. Then they both pulled back, still holding on, to look at one another._

_"Oh, Chakotay, I thought….I tried to…" she murmured. He was shaking his head as if to stop her._

_"It's okay, Kathryn. So did I." He pulled her close for another quick squeeze then released her. _

_Kathryn reached out and laid her hand on his cheek, gently stroking his face with her thumb._

_"You're alive," she said wonderingly. And then she stepped forward, slipped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. It was slow and sweet and gentle, a long kiss that had been a long time in coming._

_And then Chakotay pulled away, his hands slipping from where they were gripping her shoulders. Kathryn gasped at the sudden cessation of the kiss and retreated backwards a step or two, searching his face with stricken eyes._

_"Chakotay?" She could barely manage to speak his name through the searing pain of unshed tears in her throat. "What is it?"_

_"Kathryn," he said in a serious voice. "We need to talk about this." Her mouth opened wordlessly._

_"Okay," she finally choked out._

_"We need to define some parameters. About us." Chakotay's voice was very quiet. Kathryn's eyes opened wide. And then, in an instant, she saw the faint twinkle in his eyes and the grin that was tugging at the barest corners of his lips._

_"Using my own words against me," she muttered._

_Chakotay raised his eyebrows. "Why not?" he said. "They've been echoing in my head for the last four years." He smiled to take the sting out of the words, but she could see the pain. Had those clinical words from her cut him as deeply as they had just cut her?  
Kathryn sighed. _

_"I'm not sure I can,,,define parameters," she said just as quietly. "But I can tell you a story. An ancient legend among my people." And she took his hand and led him over to the flat rock. They sat next to each other, close yet not touching. The air was expectant. Kathryn felt every thud of her heart against her chest and was having trouble drawing breaths. One look at Chakotay's face told her he was feeling just as raw. _

_She took a deep breath and continued. _

_"It's about a lonely captain, "she began, her eyes starting to fill and her voice cracking slightly, "who lived her life never really trusting anyone else. A woman who couldn't truly give of herself, even when she was in love. For years she struggled with her isolation. The only relief she ever got came when she was commanding her ship and crew. This made her a hero in the Federation, but the captain still longed to truly give her heart away. One day she and her crew were sent on a mission to capture another ship and crew led by a Maquis warrior. She called on him to join her, because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The warrior was gentle and handsome, and very wise." Kathryn stopped for a minute, grimacing slightly, and then continued in a halting voice. "The two served together on the ship for many years and became best friends. But deep inside, they both wanted more from their relationship. Unfortunately, the captain was more concerned with hiding from who she really was than reaching out to the man she loved and trusted as she had never loved and trusted another." Kathryn coughed, trying futilely to stem the onslaught of emotions. "And then one day, she thought she had lost her gentle warrior. And she finally understood that meant she had lost everything. When she found him at last, the lonely captain swore to herself that she would stay by her warrior's side, doing whatever she could to make his burdens lighter. From that point on, his needs would come first. And in that way, the captain began to be the woman she was truly was meant to be." _

_Kathryn tried to wipe the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. When she could finally see Chakotay, the tears came again as she saw him weeping and trying to hide it with a smile. The love in his eyes as he looked at her felt like a brand on her soul. She was his. And he was hers._

_After a moment, he composed himself enough to speak. "Using my own words against me," he muttered. She laughed._

_"Why not? They've been echoing in my head for the last four years." His face crumpled for a moment as fresh tears cascaded down._

_"Is that really…an ancient legend?" he finally managed._

_"No," she admitted, ducking her head and smiling. "But that made it easier to say."_

_They gazed at each other for a very long time. Then Kathryn reached out to entwine her fingers with his. But he pulled his hand away and brought his mouth fiercely to hers for what seemed like an eternity._

_**********_

_A slow, measured beeping was what finally woke her up. It had gone on for what seemed like hours, invading her consciousness (or was it her unconsciousness?) and her mind until she couldn't handle its incessant demands any longer, and she launched herself into the waking world with reluctance. Upon opening her eyes, at first she could see only a gray ceiling above her, some type of dull, metallic plating with decorative swirls and grooves. She blinked several more times and other parts of the room came into focus. A wall of glass-fronted cabinets holding what looked like tiny multicolored canisters, several monitors with flashing lights, about a dozen humanoid figures in deep purple robes that swirled around their legs as they walked swiftly around the room. And some kind of cuff around her right arm. That was what was emitting the beeping sound that had woken her up._

_"Where am I?" Kathryn Janeway demanded, sitting up so suddenly on the narrow bed that the room temporarily spun before her eyes. "What is this? Who are you?" Several of the purple-robed figures turned her way and began walking toward her. She was breathing hard, agitation making her clench her fists. She shot the questions rapid-fire at the aliens. She wanted answers, and she wanted them now. The last thing she remembered was kissing Chakotay._

_Chakotay!_

_She anxiously scanned the room, and her distress increased when she noticed Chakotay lying perfectly still on a bed not far from hers._

_"Is he all right?" she snapped._

_"Captain Janeway," said a calming and somehow familiar voice from her left. She turned her head and immediately recognized the First Minister of Alkadia, Daret S'el. As the other figures gathered closer around her bedside, she gradually realized they were all Alkadiens, recognizing the sloping foreheads and vivid ebony eyes of the alien species._

_"Are you feeling all right, Captain?" chirped a younger female voice from beside her. "Any headache? Nausea? Other residual effects from the Narcon?"_

_Kathryn stiffened, raising her chin, her hands going automatically to her hips, even though she was still sitting on the bed. _

_"What exactly is going on here?" Her voice was clipped, and the glare on her face had reduced more than one crewmember to a puddle of tears over her years in command, had intimidated a variety of alien species in the Delta Quadrant, and had gotten her what she wanted in a million different situations throughout her life. "Have we been drugged? Poisoned? What's happened to my First Officer?" She gestured at Chakotay, who was beginning to stir on his bed._

_"Captain Janeway, please calm down," Daret S'el murmured, actually daring to lay a quieting hand on her shoulder. She drew in a deep breath but did not flinch. "I promise we will explain everything to your satisfaction. But you must remain quiet and still. The aftereffects of the Narcon may still be running through your system."_

_"Captain?" A frantic yet pleading voice came from the bed near hers. Chakotay was sitting up now, a dazed expression on his face. _

_"I'm right here, Chakotay." Her voice was tender. "We're okay. We're with the Alkadiens. Who've administered some type of drug to our systems without our consent." Her voice had hardened again. "What is Narcon, First Minister?"_

_The First Minister sighed and stepped back slightly from the bed, to include Chakotay in the discussion. "Captain, we discussed the need for you and your crew to engage in character testing prior to our negotiations with you."_

_"Yes, you sent us copious amounts on information on your protocols. You demanded our mission logs, went over our experiences quite thoroughly, interrogating crew members as well as the Commander and myself. We told you everything we were able that was not classified Starfleet information. We gave you everything you asked for. The Commander and I even undertook the journey to the inner sanctuary for the final questioning, but-" Her voice trailed off as her throat constricted at the memory._

_"Captain," Daret S'el said gently. "Would it surprise you to know that none of those experiences ever took place? At least not in the way you think they did?"_

_While S'el had been speaking, Chakotay had left his bed unnoticed and was now standing somewhat shakily at her side. Where he has always been, she thought. He was shaking his head in bewilderment._

_"What does that mean, First Minister?" he asked dazedly. Kathryn glanced at him and saw how pale his normally bronzed skin was. She slipped her arm around his waist, and he leaned into her. _

_"Captain, Commander," the minister explained, "when you first arrived on the planet, we offered you refreshments, did we not?"_

_"Yes," Kathryn said, with a sinking feeling._

_"The wine we offered you contained Narcon, a powerful sedative and psychoactive drug that readies an individual to participate in our guided imageries and appears to assist in ensuring truthtelling."_

_Imageries? Truth serum? Kathryn was good and mad. She was breathing in slowly through her nose and out through her mouth, trying desperately not to throttle every Alkadien in the medical facility, beginning with Daret S'el himself. She should have known, however, that her expressive blue eyes were betraying her, because the First Minister almost imperceptibly took a step away from her. She slipped confidently off of the bed, drawing herself up to her full height, both physically and emotionally, glad she was wearing her highest-heeled boots, and stepped into command mode._

_"You will explain exactly what you have done to us. NOW. And then you will explain in detail to our doctor so he can check for any unanticipated side effects of whatever alien substances you put into our bodies. And if you do not comply with our wishes (_Terrific, she thought, I'm picking up lines from Seven of Nine)_, I will have my ship beam us out of here and fire a barrage of photon torpedoes on this medical facility. Is that understood?" Her eyes blazed, and she stepped forward until she was only inches from the astonished face of the First Minister of Alkadia. He opened his mouth then shut it again._

_"Captain," she heard Chakotay murmur behind her, and she could swear she heard amusement behind the warning in his voice._

_"Captain, please," Daret S'el said, and there was now fear in his voice. This made her smile._

_"Explain!" she commanded. S'el sighed heavily._

_"Captain, as we have made contact with other races over the years, we have found a certain, shall we say, glossing over of the facts surrounding their missions and stories. Individuals report events as they themselves perceived them, usually to the intent of garnishing their own reputations and intentions. Would you say this is true in your own culture as well?"_

_"I believe all individuals try to show themselves in the best possible light to others," Chakotay agreed calmly. "But how does this pertain to the situation here?"_

_Daret S'el glanced gratefully at the First Officer, obviously preferring his peaceful stance to the Captain's outrage. ""Well, over time we have developed a method of eliminating this lack of truthfulness so we can truly assess the motives and actions of the races we come in contact with. We generally require the two highest ranking officers to negotiate with us and undergo the character testing. As the chief officers on a ship, those individuals typically are privy to information that more minor officers would not be. This ensures that we receive all nuances of the events and experiences we explore." Kathryn shifted her weight restlessly, wishing that he would come to the point. "In any event, we began to administer Narcon to our visitors at the first opportunity. Then we are able to transport them to this secure facility and engage the computer programs that lead them through a series of guided imagery that includes questioning them about their experiences as well as bringing them through fictitious situations to gauge their reactions to various events." Daret S'el trailed off as Kathryn took another step forward._

_"How could you have drugged us when we first arrived on the planet? I remember going through hours of conversations with you, downloading our logs from Voyager, beaming down crewmembers to corroborate our stories. You spoke with our chief engineer, our security chief, even our chef. Were they drugged too?" Her voice was dangerous._

_"Captain, you haven't spoken to your ship since you beamed down here three days ago. We initiated communications silence. Everything you have experienced has been purely in your mind, actually you and the Commander's linked together. Those crew members said what you thought they would say, a particularly telling way to understand what has happened on your ship." _

_"You..they…what?" she sputtered. "You mean Voyager thinks we haven't contacted them in days? They must be frantic."_

_"They are. Understandably so. We told them you were not allowed contact during the character testing rituals. Your Chief of Security was, well, rather perturbed." Kathryn grimaced inwardly, imagining Tuvok's stoic Vulcan reaction._

_"We must contact them. Immediately." But the First Minister held up his hand._

_"Momentarily, Captain Janeway. When we finish speaking, we will bring you to an area where your communication devices will work properly. And we will beam the supplies you requested to your ship. Everything has already been prepared for your departure." _

_"I guess that means we passed your tests," she said flatly. Daret S'el nodded, and gestured magnanimously to her and the Commander._

_"Truly, Captain, the hearts of your people are pure and unselfish. The ideals of your Federation are unlike any others we have come across in all our years of testing here on Alkadia. And your reactions to our simulations showed your strength and courage as well as a goodness that appears instinctive to your people." Despite herself, Kathryn felt lighter at his praise, somewhat relieved that the Alkadiens had seen what she herself saw in her crew._

_She glanced at Chakotay to see his reaction to the news and saw something she never expected on his face. Fear. She looked at him searchingly, but he avoided her eyes._

_"First Minister," he finally said very quietly. "You said we participated in fictitious situations." He stopped speaking and just stared mutely at Daret S'el, who gazed back at him almost uncomprehendingly._

_"The cave? The inner sanctuary? The rockslide?" His voice was almost a whisper._

_"Ah." Daret S'el nodded. "Yes, that occurred only in your minds. Although the feelings and reactions were entirely real and shared by both of you."_

_Kathryn watched as Chakotay took in a deep, almost shaky breath and let it out in a rush. His shoulders seemed to slump. And then the First Minister was ushering them toward the orange double doors at the far side of the room, and, within moments, they were walking down a quiet corridor lined with small lights. The Captain and First Officer walked beside each other, their even steps matching one another without them even noticing. Kathryn couldn't keep herself from studying Chakotay who still looked troubled. In fact, maybe it was the dim lights, but his eyes almost looked teary._

_"Chakotay?" she queried in a small voice. "Are you okay?"_

_"It seemed so real," he said, but it didn't even seem like he was talking to her. He was shrouded in his sadness, and she didn't know how to break through._

_"It was real," she added as almost an afterthought, but she was pretty sure he hadn't even heard her words. _

_Eventually they reached a large rotunda-like room, and Daret S'el gestured for them to enter._

_"Here you may contact your people. We will beam the supplies to your ship upon your return." With that, the First Minister disappeared through a side door, and Kathryn and Chakotay were left standing along together in the large, echoing room. Kathryn glanced at him, and he managed one of his rueful grins in reply. Their gazes locked once again as they searched one another's eyes. It was déjà vu, although she didn't really know why._

_"Well, here goes," she said, starting to tap her commbadge. And then she stopped, realizing why this seemed all too familiar to her. _

_His eyes. _

_The fear. _

_The sadness. _

_The loss._

_The same expression that had been there right before they beamed back to Voyager from New Earth. _

_And then she understood perfectly, without a word having to be spoken. He thought that their tearful exchange of love was over. That she would turn her back on him yet again now that she knew the truth. Now that she knew she had never really lost him, that it had all been a lie fabricated for them by the Alkadiens. He thought that she would step back onto her ship and the great Captain Janeway would rear her ugly head again, at the utter expense of the woman who was Kathryn._

_Kathryn smiled, a wild, willful smile that was somehow freeing._

_"Voyager, two to beam up."_

_And then she reached out and twined her fingers through his, and when the transporter beam deposited them back onto the ship, they were still holding hands for all the crew to see._


End file.
